Men Hurt Too!!

I'm dedicating this blog to my Husband and the men that endure the emotional pain from miscarriage.

I think as hard it is for any woman to go through a miscarriage I actually feel sorry for their partners who seem to be sidelined or are never offered as much support as women are. Going through our recent miscarriage I seen for the first time at how much it also affected my Husband. He was my absolute pillar of strength over the first few days and looked after me so much but once I was over the worst it was then when it seemed to set in with him. He looked lost and you could see the pain and sadness in his eyes even though he didn't really say much.

In general I think men are not big talkers of how they feel and it's not an easy subject to bring up in a male circle wether that be at work or a group of friends which adds more to the already overwhelming sadness. Men too have to grieve, it's a big decision that a loving couple make to have a baby and whilst it always looks like the men get the 'easy' part they help create these wonderful little miracles and when they hear those words "I'm pregnant" they start in their own way to prepare for their arrival. But sadly when miscarriage happens their world comes crashing down too. Watching my Husband struggle to cope with the loss was hard to see and I openly encouraged him to talk, it didn't matter who to but he needed to be able to voice his hurt for him to deal with.

I tried a little research to see what was out there for male support and there doesn't seem to be as much. Us women have forums on well known sites and we are given leaflets and get support from the doctors. Some men I asked (including my husband) felt there was little support/advice offered to them and not many would know where to go to. It would be nice to see a male only forum so that they can log on and talk (anonymously if wanted) to other men who have been through similar experiences. There needs to be more of a male network to help them cope and overcome their own grieving.



Nikki.W





Ps:
If anyone knows of any sites/forums please feel free to add a comment and share any links.

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Collect Responses - SmartSurvey Control Panel

1st steps to a second opinion

Today me and my husband attended my GP to discuss my options on possible investigations to seeing exactly what is causing miscarriages. I had my 3rd two weeks ago, my 2nd being 7 months prior and my very 1st back 7 years ago (one year after I had my daughter). All have been as you can imagine very emotional on the both of us. Each one becoming a bit more harder to deal with which has been surprising as you think that it would be easier as we have been through it all before but it's entirely the opposite. All of the pregnancies were in early stages only just making it to 6 weeks at the most but even still it's just as emotionally hard, as soon as the home pregnancy test comes up positive your whole future starts to map out (I suppose that's true mothers instinct/nature). The doctor seemed a bit reluctant to investigate as they are lost so early on she wasn't sure what they can look at or do. But from a little pushing from me I've managed to book into a clinic for the end of September (a follow up blog will come from this)

What I have found hard is although miscarriage cannot be prevented in all my experiences I've been told by doctors that "I have to ride it out" and then sent on my way home. There doesn't seem to be any guidance given on the grievance process or what to expect or even any consideration to the males role. Only through my own thinking and determination to seek some help I have managed to find some good websites that offer advice, research and forums with ladies who have been through similar ordeals. Still though there seems to be a lack of support for the men, even though they don't go through it physically its still a very emotional thing to go through for them. They too need to grieve and try and understand what or why these things happen. Unless we hadn't of sat and typed miscarriage into Google we probably wouldn't have gone into the doctors today feeling strong enough to make that decision and push for investigations.
 Family have helped in a huge way too. I was surprised at how many of my family told me of either their own mothers experiences or how many of their friends/colleagues have opened up and spoke of theirs. Talking is absolute paramount around helping cope with miscarriage and once someone speaks up there is a lot of advice to given. But it takes that first courage to break the taboo. It shouldn't be like that. In this day and age women and men should be more empowered to speak up and share their own personal journeys. Also there should be support/advice given from the doctors themselves at that first point of contact it shouldn't be left down to the individual to have to find that help on their own. Not all people will be strong enough to do it or know where to begin to look.

Here I share a few links to the things I found most helpful

www.netmums.com

http://www.womens-health.co.uk/recurrent.html

http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

Please be rest assured you are not alone and keep talking.

Thank-you

Nikki.W

A small introduction

I wanted to write this blog and share it out so that hopefully it helps remove the taboo that surrounds miscarriages. It's always been the elephant In the room. No one ever speaks much about it or people tread on eggshells around those who have been unfortunate enough to go through a very emotional experience. I hope that both women and men can take some comfort from my own personal ordeal and help break down the barriers to speak more openly and raise more awareness/support.

I am currently on the roller coaster still and have no idea where I will get off , but I am about to embark on a new step which I will document on here so that both women and men can follow and see what steps are involved when multiple miscarriages begin to be investigated


Thank you

Nikki.W